Be Merciful to Me, a Sinner

‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ Luke 18:13

If we listen or read St. Teresa of Avila’s autobiography, she says a lot about being wicked, and sinning against God, but does not say what it is she has done. Luigi said that when you are close To God, you are more aware of your sins. In her autobiography St. Teresa wrote that she was ‘very fond of St. Augustine...for he was a sinner too.’

What impressed me is that she spent a lot of her time talking to God. Although she is the total opposite of Brother Lawrence, who was a simple man, unpolished and awkward, they both ‘practiced the presence of God’. In contrast, St. Teresa was sophisticated, her father was one of the richest men in Avila, and when she was young, she was very concerned about her looks, make up, and even perfume. 

Much to the disappointment of her father, she entered the religious life at the age of 20. She was sick for a long time, staying in bed for almost a year. What pained her about her sickness was she could not pray all alone as there was always someone watching out for her. 

Eventually, she found the laxity of her Order disturbed her. There were too many visitors of high rank, and unsubstantial conversations that intruded on the practice of contemplation and solitude. She then founded a ‘reformed’ Carmelite convent with stricter monastic regulations which included flagellation! She was a reformer and during the last three years of her life, she founded several convents and even men’s monasteries. 

What transformed this frivolous young woman interested in romance novels into one who only lived to serve God with her whole heart, soul and body? We can say it was the mercy and grace of God. 

St. Teresa de Avila wrote: “Trust God you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and everyone of us.”

Have mercy on me, O Lord, a sinner!