Contradictions

“Behold the virgin shall be with child 

and bear a son and they shall name Him 

Emmanuel which means "God with us". Matthew 1:23

"God with us". As I ponder this, I think 

what am I without God? Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Man is a god in ruins." Indeed, without God what is the purpose of my life, who would give me the joy in my heart even in the midst of challenges, trials, waiting for things to get better? Who could surround me with a palpable peace while I lie in my hospital bed pondering the many questions surrounding my recuperation. How long before I get back to normal, when just eating an orange makes me breathless? When just dangling my feet on the side of the bed is progress? 

This season of Advent for me is a time of contradictions. I know that so many things are going on around me, things I should have been part of. At my workplace, they are in the midst of the busiest season of the year, one we have been preparing for since May when we started designing Christmas items. At home, I should be wrapping gifts that I have bought months ago, in malls, in Big Bad Wolf, online, even in Tokyo. I have missed community events, and parties, and even being godmother to the cutest baby girl. 

Just as Mary pondered many questions in her heart, the Advent Season is for pondering our life as well. Just because for me it is a time of contradiction, it does not mean it is the same for our Lord. He knows exactly where I am in His scheme of things. He holds me in the palm of His hand, and He has bigger plans for me than the little things I fret about. I need only to rest in Him, and He will make the path to Him straight. That is what I can hold on to. He is my safe haven.